Kay-Bee's Korner

Hello there, Kay-Bee here. 

Where to start? I don't know how to describe my life right now. There are times when I feel sad, mad, and depress. I forgot what real laughter felt like. :/ I didn't think my life would change this much ever since I felt ignored and hated. I wish I knew I did wrong so I can apologize for my mistake. Everyday I feel so tired and unmotivated. My health wise has been deteriorating that I feel unhealthy everyday. My social life has been cut down. I don't see the people I use to in the past. I am always by myself and have nothing to share with other people because I know they are busy. I don't won't to burden others with my feelings I kept bottled up. I guess this is how feeling depress feels like. 

Hello all!

Life, what is it? Please give me a definition of what life is. I am unable to identify mine. I don't understand what the meaning of life is. This saddens me, I am trying to find a way to get through this dreadful mind of mine. Will the people around me help me with my problems? Should I open up to them? I don't know anymore. Whenever I am around people, I feel hatred and jealously. I know I shouldn't be thinking about that, but it keeps haunting me. Another thing that keeps haunting me is listening to other people's opinion, I shouldn't be doing that as well. This world is scary, I feel lost no matter where I go. Should I grow up to an adult already. Ha! Who am I kidding. I am already at that adult age, but down deep inside, I am still a kid at heart. School and work. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I cut down my social life. I have no one to talk to as much anymore. It's me, myself, and I questioning each other what is going on.

I got a taste of heaven. Well I guess you can describe it that way. I went to the college I love, got suspended due to academic probation. I don't understand how I went from a 3.8 GPA student to a 1.22 GPA in college. I never went out partying, I stayed in my dorm studying my ass off. I don't understand. I felt like all the happy times were a dream. I thought it was too good to be true to be having such a great life. Who would have thought I fell hard from the top.

So now I am climbing back up to the top again. This time there is little of social life so all of my life goes to work and school. I hardly see my friends like I use to. I don't have the weekends to go hangout with my friends or family. I use my days to spend it at the library until 10pm doing homework and studying. I feel like this is a ridiculous way to spend life. I have no motivations anymore. My life consist of work, school, and sleepless nights.

Hey there! FINALLY. It's time for me to rant about what had happen in my life so far. (^~^)"

To start off with my love life, (I guess you can call it that) yet I am still single with crushes. :/ So I've liked this guy for about six years now. I tried hard so hard not to fall for him because I didn't want our relationship as friends to end nor cause an awkward atomosphere between us. To be honest, I never thought I would like this guy because I thought he was too quiet and I thought he was a douche when words come out of his mouth. The more I look at him and got to know his personality, he wasn't a bad guy after all. hahaha I would describe his personality as cool, calm, quiet, and mysterious. He is a competitve and athletic guy. I admired him for the competitive side of him. I have known this guy since my elementary years but we never talked to each other cuz I barely know this quiet guy. Then middle school came around, we started talking again. I remember there were a lot of girls who liked him for his looks but I end up liking him when I got to know his personality. He told me he was an anime fan, so we talked about what anime liked. Then later throughout the years in high school, he learn how to play the sport I love. hahaha I am over thinking this again, but it's true I like him for who he is, I didn't judge his appearance, but I find his kindness cute in him. :P I am glad to get know him very well after graduation. He is a really cool guy I admit. Even though we always tell each other we hate each other. :P



                                     

                                                                             
Whelp those pictures from Kaichou wa Maidsama basically describes our relationship, hate/love. LOL

                                                                       Kay-Bee Deshita! ;D

Hello there, Kay-Bee here. Wow it's been ages since I've last been on my blog. I wish I had enough time to blog. :/ Sometimes I wish I could be that same person back in the past where I have no worries and spend all my life on the internet. Reality sucks. I finally hit hell pretty hard. I didn't think it wouldn't make so miserable. I really hate life at the moment. Sometimes I think to myself of why I still exist in this world? I just don't know. I failed my first year of college from the school I love. Then I receive a letter from my recent school that I am on the verge not being able to stay in school. I just don't know what went wrong? Talking to people doesn't help at all. It brings their mood down, I don't want that. So now I have my blog to rely on. I am just fed up with life at the moment. Nothing goes the way I wanted to go. It just turned into dirt and disappears in the wind. I guess I ask too much of it. Yes I know life does suck but I didn't think it sucked this much. I faced reality and this is how much I suffered. No one understands how I felt, and neither do I. I don't know what I want. I am probably jealous of people. Jealousy is a bad thing. Yes I know. Maybe I just want to end my life. Who knows? What is there to live for when you keep failing. I am just a worthless human being. I don't know anymore. I just want to shun myself from this world full of lies. I work so hard at school, yet I don't understand. I am so pathetic, I am just the type of person who doesn't need any sympathy. FUCK love FUCK money FUCK everything that are the cause of my misery. I just want all of these nightmare to end. I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is now be locked in my room from reality and not come out. There is nothing left for me to do in this world. I am such an ugly person inside and.out. I don't deserve any happiness from kind people. I feel this is punishment for caring too much. I HATE it. I just want to be alone and wish all my happy memories to just disappear. It will probably end my suffering. Well that's my rant. I guess.