Hello everyone,
Before I knew it, I became more depressed. Thanks to that person, I even questioned my own sexuality. I am confirmed asexual. I don't think I can ever love a person again. My heart has suffered a lot due to being used all the time. Why did I let people step over me? I'm so weak and stupid.
"My heart is torn, please burn it instead, so that pain and regret...none of that would left" - Suga (Outro: TEAR).
Thanks to all the men I have encountered during my 25 years of living, I am finally locking my heart for good. I vow myself to never believe in love anymore. I wasted too much of my time and effort to make someone happy. I want to throw and burn away my desire for love. I am tired of trying. I don't need it. It's the emotion I have never received as a child. I will never understand or know the actual meaning to it.
My plan is to harden this weak heart of mine to become hard and cold. It finally shattered into thousands of pieces after dealing with so much stress and anxiety. I see nothing but darkness. Where is the light in this cruel reality? I destroyed myself for good and now I have been recently crying myself to sleep every night. My depression increased after dealing with people at work, school, and sometimes with family needs. I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep forever.
I HATE myself for pretending to be strong when I'm actually a weakling. I pretended to be someone who I was not. Normally a person would blame others who caused them pain and suffering, but why am I putting more hatred towards myself? I honestly don't know myself anymore.
